everyone knows my job here is to look hot.




You guys love me. I keep it real, and I'm hilarious.

Santana Lopez, suckas. I'm sixteen, a junior at McKinley. Yes, I'm who you think I am, and no, about half the things you hear about me aren't true. Well, okay maybe like a third but whatever. I'm a Cheerio. Head Cheerio until a couple weeks ago, actually. Don't worry. That position will be mine again in no time.

I'm also in the Glee Club, which I guess isn't as unfortunate as it sounds. I get to show up everyone in that club with my insane voice and gracing those weirdos with my presence probably counts as community service or something. Plus I look totally hot in all those costumes.

You can try to talk to me if you really want, but my bite is worse than my bark and I always bite.

quinnfabrayyxxx:

I never said that, and I’d rather you didn’t look at me when I was naked but It looks like you do that anyway. I don’t need you to pass any message onto your Dad. Just back off, you’re not being funny.

It’s like one of those times when you’re driving and there’s a dead animal on the side of the road. You don’t want to look because of how disgusting it is but you just have to. I think I’m because hilarious, actually. And remember, you’re the one who started this.

(Source: callmesan)


TEXTS → KURT HUMMEL & SANTANA LOPEZ
  • KURT: Do you think that'd be enough? I mean, it's a great idea, and I'm all for it, but maybe that could just get her wheels turning. What if we did little things to make Quinn look like she's a bad leader? Like, get a few of the other girls on our side and do things to make it look like Quinn doesn't know what she's doing.
  • KURT: Example: Quinn teaches us a move, but a bunch of us - the better girls - just can't get it because Quinn doesn't teach it correctly. Then one of us "catches on", steps up, and teaches it, and bam. Everyone miraculously gets it.
  • SANTANA: Oh, I'm totally down for that. I love any kind of revenge. I mean, my first idea was getting her to fail a drug test and kicked out of school. I just didn't think you'd go for sabotage.
  • SANTANA: I've never seen this side of you, but I completely approve.

samsullyevans:

Yeah, but if my parents or my siblings found out then I’d be letting down a lot of people all at once. And that would suck. I guess that makes sense, in a weird kinda way. You got yourself a deal.

That’s why they never find out. And you’re a teenager. They’re gonna expect you to do stupid things. Awesome. I’ll give you papers tomorrow at school. They’re due Friday so don’t screw up.

(Source: callmesan)



samsullyevans:

It is, but it’s just not… my way. I can’t do that, I’ve got little siblings that like look up to me and stuff. I guess… I could maybe do that. Or whatever. Still seems like a weird way to make a friend.

You don’t get drunk and party in front of your family. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. I have to be sure I can count on you before we can be friends. I’m only asking for a small favor so I can be sure.

(Source: callmesan)


quinnfabrayyxxx:

I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with what’s underneath my clothes and on my body, but for the last time. I do not have one single stretch mark. My body is the same as it’s always been. Maybe my boobs grew a little - but hey, at least it was natural. 

So you’re still lactating then? That’s got to be gross. Anyways, I share a locker room with you, and I’d rather not have to look at that anymore. Let me know once you get over this denial thing you’re going through and I’ll pass the message on to my dad.

(Source: callmesan)


TEXTS → KURT HUMMEL & SANTANA LOPEZ
  • KURT: A little. I'd like to be able to salvage the friendship.
  • KURT: Call it nostalgia.
  • SANTANA: Ugh. That's gonna limit me a bit.
  • SANTANA: Well, the nicest way I can think of doing this is to plan an amazing routine behind her back with only a few of the better girls. B's on my side, so between the three of us we've already got the best. Then we hijack a performance to show off the number to Coach Sylvester.
  • SANTANA: Not only would we have done an awesome job, but Sue would love that we showed initiative and did the whole thing in secret.

quinnfabrayyxxx:

I’m not making excuses, I’m defending myself. Fine, consider me stopping. 

Good. That’s what I thought. And seriously, my dad’s a doctor. He could probably give you something to make those stretchmarks a little less noticeable. Just saying.

(Source: callmesan)


quinnfabrayyxxx:

I didn’t do it to intentionally upset you. I didn’t sleep with Puck just to make you angry, I did it because I wanted to. I didn’t tell Sue about your boob job to make your life a living hell, I did it because I wanted to be captain again and that was the easiest way to make it happen. I am taking complete responsibility for myself, and if you read what I said; it was me saying sorry. I would have done the same whether the Captain was you or some other random girl, I would have found some other reason why she wouldn’t be suitable for Captain and thrown that right in Coach’s face. I would have slept with Puck if he was dating some other girl too. Regardless of what you might think, my goal in life isn’t to stab you in the back and hurt you, because I do love you being my friend. 

So now you don’t care who you screw over as long as you get what you want? If you’re gonna be my carbon copy you’ve gotta stop making crappy excuses for everything you do and get over yourself. No one’s buying it, and it’s getting pretty pathetic. Just stop.

(Source: callmesan)


TEXTS → KURT HUMMEL & SANTANA LOPEZ
  • KURT: Excellent.
  • KURT: So... how do you want to go about getting her out?
  • SANTANA: It depends on how far you're willingly to go.
  • SANTANA: Do you care if she never speaks to you again?